ToriRam89

WoW! I havent written in here in a long time...I just get bored of myspace sometimes....LOL!!!! So in 2 wks school starts. Hopefully it will be better than last year, but we'll see. They wont let me take co op so I guess Ill try again next semester. I just need 1 class to graduate which sux, but oh well!!!!! Well in case you guyz didnt know I wrecked my car. Anywayz...the guy thats gonna fix it came over today. I hope it'll be fixed by school time, but we'll see. C/S....I'm in desperate need for a job. I had an interview yesterday, but I dont think it went too well. If you know anywhere thats hiring TELL ME!!!!! I need to pay my mom back for fixing the car, I wanted to help marcs mom out with the bills and stuff, and i wanted to start saving for a apartment. Nothing much has been happening....This summer went by too too fast. Marc and I had a few big fights but I feel like we're better. But when he's around "some" of his friends he starts acting like them....in other words he becomes an ASSHOLE!!!!!! We've been with eachother for a yr and 8 months thats CRAZY!!!!! Well I dont know....I better go.....Bye Bye!

all I have to say is I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT NEMORE!!!!!!!! and I feel so alone. not like ne1 cares but every1 has to hate me, no1 likes me nemore

HIGH SCHOOL SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

School did suck at the beginning, but now little by little its getting better. I still get depressed at times, but its not like before. I miss hanging out with the guyz. I wish I could see them everyday, but I know they wouldnt pick me up everyday. My mom is gonna have to do it now. :sobbing:. j/k. well...I went to the show last night and it was kick ass. Louie got hit in the head and blacked out for like a second. WEll I got to go. Hopefully I will write in here again. BYE

well, yesterday was registration and it was kewl cuz i got to see my friends again. sum friends (who shall be remain nameless) were acting weird. I only hope that in time things will change, but what if they've changed for good? I dont know. C/S...well I finally got my VEO form and now I can get my license. YAY!!!!!!!!! Now all I need is a car. I hope I can get my dads old one. I'm gonna need it cuz now that I"m in co-op I need to drive myself to work. My mom said she would pick me up the first day of skewl, but hopefully she wont have to very long.C/S...my mom is gonna go eat at milanos on friday, so I dont know if I can go to the show nemore. That restraunt is in weslaco. I think right when I get out of work I'm gonna have my dad drop me off at the show. Thats at like 6:30. Hopefully you guyz will be there. If not then I'll just be alone.:( lol. well just call me if u guyz are gonna go. if u dont have my new number then get it from ana. I dont feel that safe putting here. I guess thats about it. ttyl and I LOVE YOU GUYZ!!!!!!!!!

I dont know y, but I feel so left out. To me...my best friends in the whole world are...Tina, Val,Kendra, Marlene, and Ana. The only thing is...i feel I'm nothing to them. Kendra has Marlene, and Tina has Val, and Ana has the guyz I guess. But who do I have? No one even calls me. Well I'm never home cuz I work, but I would like to hear from them. I just feel like I have no friends. I'm being all emo kid right now, but I just want sum1 to want me 2.

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Victoria Brooke
Birthday:	January 2, 1989
Birthplace:	Edinburg, Texas
Current Location:	Edinburg, Texas
Eye Color:	green
Hair Color:	brownish blonde
Height:	5'6
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	hispanic
The Shoes You Wore Today:	my blk and white stripped ones
Your Weakness:	love
Your Fears:	getting hurt
Your Perfect Pizza:	pineapple and cheese YUM!!!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	bettering myself
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	O I C
Thoughts First Waking Up:	I'm still sleepy
Your Best Physical Feature:	eyes
Your Bedtime:	10:30 or 11
Your Most Missed Memory:	hanging out with friends
Pepsi or Coke:	dr. pepper
MacDonalds or Burger King:	machonalds
Single or Group Dates:	group
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	lipton ice tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	not anymore
Do you Swear:	yes
Do you Sing:	not well
Do you Shower Daily:	yes
Have you Been in Love:	yes
Do you want to go to College:	yes
Do you want to get Married:	yes
Do you belive in yourself:	at times
Do you get Motion Sickness:	yes
Do you think you are Attractive:	nope
Are you a Health Freak:	yes
Do you get along with your Parents:	at times
Do you like Thunderstorms:	sometimes
Do you play an Instrument:	yes
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	nope
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	nope
In the past month have you been on Stage:	nope
In the past month have you been Dumped:	sorta
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	nope
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	nope
Ever been Drunk:	yes
Ever been called a Tease:	nope
Ever been Beaten up:	nope
Ever Shoplifted:	yes
How do you want to Die:	happy
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	a genetic scientist (work in a lab)
What country would you most like to Visit:	scottland
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	brown or colored doesnt really matter
Favourite Hair Color:	dark
Short or Long Hair:	doesnt matter but long is good
Height:	5'9- 6'2
Weight:	i dont know
Best Clothing Style:	anything but geeky (lol)
Number of Drugs I have taken:	none
Number of CDs I own:	chingos
Number of Piercings:	a few
Number of Tattoos:	a few (not too many)
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	not too many
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Current Mood: chipper

Current Music: 10 years

I FINALLY LOST HIM SO WHAT IS THERE TO LIVE FOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ana since you didnt answer when I called your house I thought of just writting this just for you. First of all, I really really really want my space. I do need your help of course, so whenever you get a chance just call me. I really miss you and the crew so much I think we should go out sumtime. If its possible. I dont know what else to say just that I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! love ya lots,
tori

I dont know what it is, but for some reason I feel left out. I hear about all my friends that I miss so much having fun and I'm not there. Maybe it's cuz I'm with Marc, or maybe cuz I have to babysit, i dont know. I wish I could just hang out with my friends, cuz I miss them so much. I dont know. Maybe I'm just being stupid I dont know.

After 5 years my cousins from indonesia are here. They're gonna be here for 2 weeks then they're gonna live in san antonio. I havent seen them yet, but aparently they have all changed. I'm gonna see them today and maybe go to the movies or sumthing. This is so cool. I wish they could stay longer, but this is still very cool. I'll take pics of them today and "try" to put them on my next entry. WEll I g2g, but ttyl.
-<3-
Tori

Yesterday I got paid for babysitting and I got this feeling of guilt cuz I didnt get my dad nething. I went to target and bought him sumthing. I wasnt all my money but I thought it was worth it. Today I left him a message to see if he wanted to do something cuz I havent seen him in months, but he never called me back. I'm not hurt cuz he alwayz does this, but I really regret buying him a gift.

In case u wanted to know: the beach was kickass...the only thing is I got sunburned all thanx to marc. lol. He didnt put enough sun tan lotion on my back. At least I got darker. I'm not real dark, but its noticable. My mom might get her lawsuit money at the end of summer if she does then she said she wants to go to disneyworld. If she doesnt get till like december then we'll go during christmas, and if not then, then next summer. She even said that marc could go. Thats so cool. I'll be in another state in the same hotel room with my love for 5 days and 5 nights. Thats so awesome. The only thing that sux is I like BIG RIDES and marc doesnt. : (. lol. I havent really talked to ne1, but I've been busy being a maid. lol. I'm finally gonna go see Star Wars tommorrow cuz my mom gets out of work early. Well I guess thats it, ttyl. Bye BYe. P.S. Ana call me sumtime. You know I wont call u so call me at my house.

Yesterday Marc's dad said I couldnt go to corpus w/ them so marc said he didnt wanna go either. I was a lil sad cuz I wanted to spend the entire weekend with marc. Later on marc's mom asked if I wanted to go to the beach with them on sat. Of course I said yes. Now all I need is a swimsuit. lol. I havent been to the beach since my car accident and its gonna be weird passing that street again, but hopefully it will be better this time. I still freak out/ get chills in a car. I guess you could say I'm a lil tramatized. Maybe if I pass that street I'll be better again. Who knows. Oh YA!!! If it gets too late then Marcs mom said I could spend the night with them. She already talked to my mom and my mom said yes. All I know is I WANT TO GO SWIMING/BE IN THE WAVES!!!!!!! I gotz to go, but I'll talk to you guyz later. Bye Bye

Well for the past 3 days marc and I have been together for hours. I didnt get to see him today, but he said he was gonna come to my house everyday and help me babysit my baby sister. My mom finally said that I could go with marc for the weekend to corpus. YES!!!!!!!! This summer shouldnt be boring. I'm gonna go to corpus, maybe the beach and if the lawsuit is finished then I might go to disneyworld. YAY!!!!!!!!!!! As for next year things wont be so bad. I might not have that many friends at edinburg south, but at least I have marc, and I know I'm gonna see him a lot. He's not gonna go to skewl for another 8-9 months. How crazy. He said he would pick me up so I hope he gets a car. C/s yesterday marc and I were thinking of how christmas was and how much more we fell in love. Even his mom KNOWS we're gonna get married. SHe says in at least 5 years. lol. I never thought I could be this happy, no I never thought ne1 could love me this much.

Well yesterday I got in trouble with palomin jr. I wont get into the story cuz every1 probabaly knows. After that I didnt want to go to 7th and see mr palomin so I went to one of my other classes and was actually doing work. So that wasnt skipping I was doing work. Well, my mom wont listen to me and grounded me. I asked her y and she said cuz I was skipping and I dont know how to respect people. WHAT A FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!! For the past I dont know few months I've been going thru shit, but now everything bad is coming all at once. I hate my life. I just want to get out of skewl. Lets see, just 8 more months and I am seriously getting my own place. I dont care if life will be harder, i dont even care if marc doesnt wanna come with me. I just want to get away from everyone that doesnt understand me. I'm even thinking of going to another skewl. Its not like I'll be missed newayz. And bsides at ehs its full of bitches and assholes. I'm just hating life right now and want to run away/kill myself. I better go. ByeBYe

Well, things with marc and me are finally better 100%. We finally figured out wat was wrong. Sumtimes we have lil fights but we're just joking. THats how we play around. We are mad about eachother. Well I guess since marc and i are happy other things need to mess up. I feel so left out now. I dont even think my friends r truely my friends. I guess it's just marc and me...which isnt a problem but my friends should be there for me too. i dont know I guess thats y high school sux! I only have sum friends that i think r there for me, but even then i could be wrong. U know wat I'm not gonna listen to ppl who bring me down, cuz y do I want to be sad when I know I can be happy. My trust for that person/persons has faded. ANd i was there for that person all the time. They're no longer my problem. I am not not friends with any1, all I'm saying is my trust isnt all gone just fading.

Well, things with Marc and I are getting better (thank god). But why were they bad in the first place??? I know it was cuz of me, but why would I want to ruin the best relationship I'll ever have??? I was once told that love isnt always grand it can hurt to. Whenever I would think of love I thought of happiness, the end of sorrow. But I suppose I was wrong. You can be with the best bf/gf in the whole world and still be hurting. They wouldnt hurt you thats not wat I'm saying, what I'm saying is...You strive to be so perfect that ur killing urself in the making. Most people think they r not good enough for their "special someone", so they try to change. In doing this they r stressing themselves out and causing them to become depressed. At least thats wat happend to me.

I dont know wat to do. There are sum "times" when I feel that I am in love with marc, and I am. Alwayz will be.But then, there r days that I feel I am not good enough for him. I dont know wats wrong with me I just feel so alone. I was gonna get with my friends thinking that would help when I realized that I need to be alone. I'll hang with my friends I love hanging with them. Its sad to say but Im most happy when I'm with them. I kinda wish it was the other way around. I love marc so much and cant imagine life without him, but y do I feel like im lower than dirt at times when Im with him?I dont know wat to do nemore. I was so frustrated with life today that I was thinking of picking up the knife again. I didnt, but found myself gazing at it. I was even thinking of o.d.ing. stupid i know but i need sumthing to help me feel better. Maybe Ill just take my moms anti depressants. I dont want marc to think I want to leave him, or that I dont love him cuz I do so much. Just thinking about him thinking that makes me cry. I want it to be perfect again. I want it to be how it was at christmas.

I suppose things could get worse, but I'm so numb inside now. I dont even know why I bother writing in here it doesnt really help me. Maybe I should just put it in my private entries. No one "really" understands. I know my friends r there for me, but they dont understand at all. How can they say my mom cares for me, when even marc sees that she doesnt. I dont even need to tell him nething, he sees it himself. I put new lyrics on my profile. Thats one of my fav songs at the moment. I dont know, maybe things will get better. If ur down u can only go up right? I hope so. I dont hate life, i dont even hate school. I dont know wat I feel at the moment just numb inside.